housesitter, semi-professional

i moved out of a permanent residence on july 31st. today is november 9th. i have not had a "home" since. i have been sitting on houses for the past three months. and i even got paid to do it. they say you're "professional" if you get paid to do something. i could call myself a PROFESSIONAL housesitter, but the majority of the time, i've not been paid. so i'll settle for semi-professional. it's been crazy how it's worked out so far. people just keep going out of town. and when they go out of town, THEIR HOUSE IS EMPTY! but they ask me to stay there, so it's not illegal or anything. i'm no squatter. semi-professional housesitters balk at that term... is that an appropriate phrase to use there? "balk at that term?" i dunno. it doesn't sound right. i don't want to look like an idiot on here. anyway. i'm no squatter.
1. my first gig was at this madison park house belonging to my friend michael and his wife laura. it's a swanky spot with drawers that are freezers and a shower so large it doesn't need a door. they had some plants and a lawn i needed to water, so i had some serious responsibility.
2. let's see. then i think i slept in the back of my truck outside of my workplace. that's not housesitting, that's desperation. but it actually worked out just fine. my commute was super short and i had the wifis there.
3. then my friend gail went to canmore for a week with her baby and baby daddy. she lives on queen anne. a half block from trader joes! lucky for me, while they were in canmore, gail's baby got sick. REAL sick. so they had to stay an extra three weeks. thanks baby! so i stayed at trader joes for a month. i mean, i stayed at gail's for a month.
4. then some friends of mine, JG and Erika, went to sardinia for three weeks. they really like tiny, salty fish. they live in a house in magnolia and have a cat. there was no chair in front of their tv. my commute from there wasn't much further than when i was sleeping in my truck. their cat's name is rudy and he's a real talker. at certain times i wanted to punch him. especially when he wanted me to get up and hang out at 3 in the morning.
5. then my friends megan and marshall left their home for a month. they live in hjarta in ballard. it's perfect because my last name is hjorten. do you see how perfect it is? they have a jade plant. i watered it. it was stressful. i had to water it like twice a week. they also have a bidet. but it's more of a hose by the toilet. i only used it to drink from. i did not spray down my parts after my business. i also was nervous everytime i drove into and out of the parking garage. i have a large... truck. and it BARELY fit in there. i feared i would get it stuck every time i entered or exited. entered and exited. entered and exited.
6. now jg and erika are leaving again. just for the weekend. they have a new cat. otto. and a couch. the look on my face is excitement.
7. then my friend JT is going on the track cycling world cup tour. and i will stay at her house in wallingford. she leaves for a short bit, then comes home, then leaves for most of december. if you are a criminal and you know where JT lives and you are reading this, don't even think about breaking in, because i will be staying there. my only responsibilty at her house is to use her hot tub.
8. i also have a couple weeks in all of this where i will stay at michael's house again. with the freezer drawers and big shower.
when all of this is said and done, i will have to find a place to live. that will be january. or maybe i'll find another house to sit on then... anyway, by then it will be 5 months of being "homeless." you may find me by the road under the ballard bridge. you know, where 15th intersects leary, with a sign that says "unemployed housesitter looking for a house to sit." but then i might also need to put unemployed in quotations because i have a job. and i'm just looking for a housesitting opportunity. i wonder if all of that will fit on my sign?