chicago! or "how i was almost killed by a mexican"

so, i recently took a trip to chicago to visit my niece.

and my brother's dog otis.

oh, and then these people named jason and jessie insisted on hanging around.

jk! just kidding! they are my brother and brother's baby momma. also they're engaged to be wed, so all you religious types out there don't trip out.
anyway. it was a pretty great trip. i mean if you know me, and i assume you do because you're reading this blog, then you know how much i LOVE babies. the only thing i love more than babies is k$sha. and the movie 8mm.
the greatest thing about babies is that they crap on themselves and DON'T EVEN CARE! could you imagine having enough self confidence to just shit in your pants and not worry what anyone else thinks? my goodness! and the last time i threw up on someone i was super embarrassed. a baby will throw up on you and instead of apologizing will DO IT AGAIN. as if to say, "oh perhaps you'd like some more of my puke on you. in case you didn't get enough the first time!" they don't even care what shirt you're wearing! babies, i salute you. sometimes i'll cry, but i'm always sure to lock myself in my dark bedroom and turn the music up real loud so no one can hear my sobs. babies? they'll wail and wail and wail and then generally instead of looking around uncomfortably as everyone stares, they'll just fall asleep. they're so relaxed!
babies, confident and relaxed. and they're like rich people, aren't they? they have servants! and they don't even have to pay them. could you imagine if you had someone to bring you food all the time and even put it in your mouth for you?! and people to change your clothes. and hold you and rock you. damn, wouldn't that be something? you'd be just like carlton on the fresh prince of bel air.
or one of those rich oil guys.
well, besides the baby, i did some serious budweiser drinking. and food eating. and sleeping. i was pretty much a lazy gluttonous bastard. perfect. that's what vacations are for, right?


in other news, a mexican almost beat me up for flipping him off in traffic. lesson learned. don't flip mexicans off because there's a good chance that it wasn't even them honking at you in the first place. lo siento, mi amigo. lo siento.